What most people take for granted is what Destiny, from an early age, always wanted: Stable housing, food to eat and a feeling of safety.
She had spent her life in survival mode and in a desperate search for some control. It’s what eventually made the sex trade seem like a way to find it.
She was 16 years old, starting her very first job at the same place her mom worked. What should have been an exciting and empowering opportunity left her confused and angry. A co-worker sexually harassed her on multiple occasions. And no one stopped it, not even her own mother.
“My mom didn't have no advice for me. She didn't stick up for me. There was nothing that my mom said that would stop it.”
And when she reported the harassment to a manager, she was fired.
“I’m thinking ‘this is just another thing, get over it’. When you’re living in survival mode for all your life, you don’t think too long about the evil things people do to you because you’re trying to survive.”
But when she looks back, there is more to unpack. That experience was the culmination of a lifetime of not being protected. At the age of 4, she experienced sexual and physical abuse. And she grew up watching her mom stay in an abusive relationship, which created chaos and instability. By 6th grade, she became suicidal.
And as a young teen walking home, older men in cars would often proposition her. She learned quickly, entertaining advances meant resources.
“I couldn’t put a word to what I was doing. But I knew I was doing something. They usually help you out. I was afraid to even ask my mom for bus fare. With money, I could have a nice meal at a nice restaurant.”
At 17, frustrated with her home life, Destiny moved to California to live with her aunt. A friend there suggested she try stripping and helped her get a fake ID.
“I quickly realized the lifestyle wasn’t for me. It’s like the Devil’s playground. You have to be mentally aware of the things around you. There were a lot of fights. I was attacked a lot of the time by women. I had been fighting my whole life, so this wasn’t the life I wanted.”
So Destiny moved back to Washington briefly and began exploring the world of the sex trade. A friend gave her just enough information to get started.
“I’m like what city have you made the most money in on Backpage?’ She's like Mount Vernon. I drove from Yakima to Mount Vernon with $200 in my pocket and I was like you know I'm gonna make at least $1,000 or more. I went to Mount Vernon. I made 1,000 that night and from there on it just went up, up, up.”
From there, Destiny traveled to places she always wanted to visit and posted ads on Backpage. She called them “Tours”.
“I traveled all around Washington, Idaho, Montana , DC, Virginia, and California. I was a new adult working in this lifestyle. I’m touching more money than I've ever seen in my life. It was a lot of jumping around. Never stable.”
Destiny remained in the sex trade, doing “tours” for nearly a decade; and then, there was a turning point. She found out she was pregnant. The father was a guy she knew as a teen. They had lost contact but then reconnected, only for them to break up again. But she was determined to be a good mom.
“I just remember being like ‘yeah I'm gonna give my baby a different life. I'm gonna change myself, this is gonna make me better.’ I wanted a chance to redo what my mom messed up. I had something to live for now.”
Destiny began looking for a job, pulled all of her ads and deleted all of her accounts. But complete separation from sex work was difficult, even during pregnancy.
They didn't know I was pregnant until the end of my pregnancy when I really started to pop out. I was only doing this because I couldn't afford to live in the Bay Area alone. At that time, I was taking at least three dates a day. It provided me with a life that I was comfortable with. I paid my rent and was able to keep my checks if I had a job or I could quit a job if I wanted to and do sex work full time. I was able to take trips and my trips were strictly sex-based work trips. I felt the most beautiful when I was doing sex work because I could afford to maintain my lifestyle. However, I also felt the most stress and most the saddest I've ever been doing sex work. I suffered with severe depression and panic attacks during that time. When I think about it right now, it's like how did I even survive that because my mental state was not there even though I felt beautiful I looked beautiful - I was internally ugly and not happy.”
She sometimes worked independently, sometimes with a pimp who monitored her money and gave her protection. When her son turned a year old, she was knee deep in prostitution with a pimp, and trying to escape the life for good. She tried getting an apartment, but had been denied three times because of her income. So Destiny once again posted an ad for sex work.
“I didn’t want to post, but had to do this. I was a broke single mom. Instead of an answer to the ad for sex work, someone hit me up on there saying they work with REST. I told my friend it sounds like a set up. And she's like ‘no girl, it’s not a set up. I am transitioning out and I work with them.’ She contacted her advocate. That same week I got connected with REST, I found my apartment, moved in and then REST connected me with the Salvation Army to help get deposits paid.”
Even with this new support, Destiny still didn’t feel like she could leave “the life”. Her job with a food delivery service wasn’t enough money to get by. She said with her REST advocate, she found a safe, non-judgmental space to work through it.
“I had a few regulars and I’d be embarrassed to tell her. And she (her advocate) said ‘I hope you know you don’t have to lie to me. It’s not a judgment.’”
Meanwhile, Destiny rekindled a relationship with her son’s father and became pregnant with their second child. She was determined not to bring another baby into the world of prostitution. Her REST advocate was supportive, asking what she needed to walk away. And the answers were simple: Stable housing, school, childcare.
“I wanted to give my kids a regular life. I just never had stability.”
REST worked with Destiny to come up with a plan to exit the sex trade for good. This became even more difficult when the father of her children left with no warning. She was enrolled in school with no childcare and no family support. Destiny found herself in survival mode again.
But she said God’s grace showed up. Her instructor allowed her to bring her children to class. Meanwhile, Destiny still prayed to God to bless her with a daycare spot. And one day at the grocery store, a woman felt moved to offer her one.
“This lady came out of nowhere and she gave me her card and she was like I'm a daycare provider. She said that she seen me walking and God just told her to come give me a card. I went to visit her day care and the kids started there the next day.”
When Destiny finally got some stability, she not only exited the sex trade completely, but began addressing her relationship with alcohol.
“Who I am today is a mother - some days I'm happy. Some days I'm sad, but I'm not in sex work anymore. I'm not forced to even think that I have to go back to that life because I have so much to look forward to. My kids are happy. I have repaired relationships with both of my parents. I am able to speak out now. I am able to talk clearly because I am not drunk this morning.”
Currently, Destiny is in school to become a medspa nurse and expects to complete her education in the next year. She remembers her advocate, Sophia asking what she wanted her life to look like in one year, three years and five years and helping her stick to the plan.
“We're coming up on the three-year mark, so my life does look exactly how, you know, we planned it and she held me accountable. She told me ‘ you're way too smart for this life,’ and she was right.”
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