“I think as long as you are fighting to exit, you’re exiting.”
It’s been almost one year since Brooklyn, a mom of two, escaped the sex trade; and since then, she’s been fighting to stay out of the life she was essentially born into. Her dad was a pimp and her mom, a prostitute.
Her earliest memories are of them fighting. And when her parents broke up, she and her two siblings lived with their mom. But for more than a year, she left them alone to fend for themselves.
“She left us in a trap house (drug house) home alone with no lights or food. We house surfed, sometimes with friends, sometimes with strangers. My dad didn’t get us until after she left us alone with some trick’s family.”
Brooklyn’s dad raised them in a way that seemed normal at the time. He kept a roof over their heads and there were visits to playgrounds and beaches. But Brooklyn also remembers him getting physical with people and being violent. And when it came to home life, they mostly managed themselves.
“We were not watched. My dad never was home. He would be home on the weekend sometimes. But I remember a friend’s mom being like, ‘your family's dysfunctional, like it's not normal. Like what you think is normal is not normal. It's not okay. But you're just so used to it’.”
This friend’s mom tried to keep Brooklyn busy by signing her up for activities like art classes. But that couldn’t separate her from the family’s troubles. Brooklyn’s brother ended up in a gang and went to jail. At 15 years old, Brooklyn became pregnant, and her younger sister took it hard.
“I remember her saying, like, ‘I feel like I lost you… like you were my mom. And now you have a baby to take care of.’ I remember I was in the hospital. And I was like, so thrown off. She was holding my baby with joy, you know, but like her eyes were tearing up because she's like, ‘I'm no longer your responsibility.’ And then after that, I kind of seen her change. Like she was doing things I couldn't protect her from.”
A few years later, Brooklyn’s sister, Alisha was killed. She was only 17. The loss left Brooklyn feeling more isolated. She had already started choosing relationships based on survival and what she learned from her dad about connecting money to relationships. In her community, men with money were drug dealers and so she dated them.
One night, while crying to a friend about her boyfriend cheating, the friend suggested she do something she’d never considered: Trade sex for money. At the time, Brooklyn, the mom of a now two year old daughter, was just 17.
She’s like ‘drink this’, I got something for you.’ She was like ‘look, he’s gonna pull up in this car, you’re gonna get in, you’re gonna go to his house, you’re gonna have sex and come back. I’ll be here in the car when you get back.’ And I was like, I’m kind of nervous. She was like ‘this is $150, you’re gonna be there for like 15 minutes, okay?’ I mean, it made sense. I was already having sex. I was getting my heart broke. It just seemed like the better thing to do. You know, from that point forward drinking and that went together. Like I'd never did it without drinking, you know, but I understood that like, she was swimming with small fish. And they were big fish. Like, this was the Kroger guy. You know, like, they're bigger people than the grocery store guy. It just grew from there.
Brooklyn spent the next several years in and out of the sex trade. In fact, she made so much money as an escort that at the age of 24, she was able to purchase her first home. Brooklyn said the work could sometimes feel like a relationship, because she would see clients exclusively for months at a time.
But life in the sex trade took a toll on her mental and emotional health and it was something she could never do sober. Drinking and trading sex went together. Deep down, she realized what she wanted more than anything was love. And, she thought she’d found it when she met a guy who offered a different life.
Brooklyn and her then fiance moved in together, had a baby and she became a stay at home mom. But when her daughter was six months old, the relationship fell apart and she went back to what she knew best.
“I had given him all my financial power and when he left, I had nothing. But I had a long list of people (buyers) from the past so I jumped head first into it. I started traveling again. I went harder than I had ever gone before.”
But this time, her experience in the sex trade was even more difficult. She had tried to escape the life before by working traditional jobs, but would still take on tricks (buyers) to make ends meet. This time, she continued living the double life by working and trading for sex. But now, the reality of being a mother sunk in.
“It eats you alive to like, have to leave a man, and then go back to your baby and be whole again. I think that the hardest thing is like, I'll leave a man and I'm at home. And I'm like, laying in the bed with my kid. And I'm just thinking like, ‘that was so ugly, what I just did.’ I hope they never find out.”
When Brooklyn found REST, she was in an especially vulnerable situation. She was a single mom with no steady income or childcare.
“I was relying on this trick (a man who purchases sex), and he was so cruel. But I didn’t have many options. He was like ‘what else are you going to do?’ He knew how much I needed him, and he was paying all my bills. My daughter’s dad wasn’t paying anything. It was degrading. I felt low. I was drunk every day.”
Brooklyn said REST immediately made all the difference by connecting her to housing resources and helping her access affordable permanent housing.
“It felt like an immediate step to self respect overnight. It felt like something I had been writing poetry about and I finally could speak out loud.”
REST also referred her to an organization that helped pay for school, which meant she could qualify for childcare assistance. It was exactly the break she needed.
“I feel like that set everything in motion. If REST hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have been able to get a job, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. I went to school to get my yoga certification. I ended up teaching yoga on weekends and I started a business helping black businesses with social media.”
REST also connected Brooklyn with a therapist, who held her accountable and pushed her to make progress. It’s been more than a year and Brooklyn has remained sober and out of the sex trade. But she admits, there is always temptation, especially when times are tough.
“One of the biggest reasons you jump back in is you’re financially unstable. You’re like ‘Why not? I know this will work.’ It’s proven.”
But what’s also true in her case is that when she’s faced those financial difficulties, she’s had REST and others there to offer support. And now, she’s working not only as a yoga instructor; but as a support for other women leaving the sex trade.
“I’m grateful for the small stuff: Housing, a clean environment. Every month I do a review in my planner, I’m so thankful to have power over my own money. Nobody gave it to me.”
That appreciation is also tempered with a new perspective on life, one that puts money in its proper place.
“No matter how much money you make, it doesn’t heal your soul. I’m not aiming for money. I’m aiming for peace.”
As proud as Brooklyn is to be financially independent and out of the sex trade, she is most proud that she is still here, thanks to resiliency, persistence, and a chance to REST.